A New Chapter.

It’s been a long time since I have been able to just be with myself. I now have a dedicated writing space, soft white curtains that will move with the autumn breeze once the windows can be opened again. How very fortunate I am!

Having been in Tulsa now since 2021, I sort of expected the sadness I feel about leaving Santa Rosa, California to have alleviated somewhat. It hasn’t. It seems that most of the people I know who have relocated here from California feel very much the same way. I remind myself: I enjoy a better standard of living here. I no longer feel constricted. I am able to afford the things I want. Yet, the emotional freedom I knew in California, the wide open spaces of the northern coast, the rough beauty … calls to my soul in a way I can’t ignore.

Oklahoma surely has rough beauty … somewhere. It’s not immediately accessible. It’s not right outside my front door the way it was in Santa Rosa. Yet, it exists. I know it does. I also know it’s my job to go find it.

I have been missing my chaplain work in a way I never thought I would. Thanks to Kara, my therapist, I contacted a local hospital here to explore volunteering. They have a program, 6 months long, to train to be a chaplain with the end goal to become certified. This is an amazing situation, honestly. The actual course requires a masters degree and graduate seminary work preferred. I got nothin’. I decided to approach it from a volunteer slant, hoping that I might have an opportunity to do a little work somehow. Well, no. You have to go through this program.

Long story short, I was accepted after writing a spiritual autobiography, a statement on why I wanted to get the training, 3 stories of experiences that changed my life, and a story of when I helped someone. I wrote for 2 days.

After submitting the requested work, I was invited to interview. I made a decision to show up only as myself. I wasn’t on my best behavior; I was real and vulnerable. I was honest and open. And in spite of myself, I got the call today that I was accepted into the program.

It feels right. I know the only thing for me to do is to show up. And that is what I will do. On Wednesdays, class is 8 to 4pm. There will be other commitments as well but I am not sure yet what they will be with the exception of an on call day. Is that weekly? Who knows.

The biggest feeling in this moment is one of relief, I think. It’s a relief to drop pretense. To stop pretending, hiding, avoiding. I am not going to be anything other than myself from here on out. I’m so grateful for Santa Rosa. So grateful for all my people there. It’s my heart’s home. My people who know my authentic self are there, including Teresa, with whom I moved to Tulsa. With the exception of my Florida friends Jackie (my BFF), Cami and Patti, that is.

Reading that sentence is deeply humbling. I have a lot of people who know my authentic self. How rare and beautiful. How very fortunate I am!